chapt 2: alone in a crowded city
surrounded by people, chaos and life and yet feeling completely alone. the external stimulus cannot fill an internal emptiness. our society is structured in a way to make you feel as if this loneliness is something you must fix or escape, but there is a beauty in that emptiness. if only you can find the strength to embrace it.
alone
|
alone |
track 1:
The spotify bio for UK producer and DJ “berlioz” is one single line: “if Matisse made house music.” The artists name is not inspired by the French composer, but instead the character in the Disney animation “The Aristocrats.”
berlioz is known for melding Jazz and House music and this track is a perfect introduction the lonely, chaotic experience of living in a large city. The record begins with a haunting saxophone, and builds into the driving house mix that guides the song. This track feels like wandering through the streets of New York, each instrument added is liking turning the corner into a new neighborhood, full of different colors, culture, life and soul.
track 2:
juno roome explained the background of how this song was written; because his girlfriend has therapy on Thursday mornings virtually from their one-bedroom apartment. In order to have privacy during her hour session, she would kick him out and he would go wander around the neighborhood, wondering about what she was talking about, knowing he was probably a large focus of that session.
This track is ethereal and beautiful. His lilting falsetto tells the story of his anxious walks. This song is included because the ethos of the song is seamlessly linked to the feeling of loneliness. Additionally, anyone that has lived in a crowded city understands the lack of space in those tiny city apartments. This lack of private space forces us to venture out in the chaos, face to face with the madness surrounding us.
The story is beautiful because while he expresses his anxiety at these talks, the song ends with the line “and you held my hands in mine” repeated over and over. While alone in the city, we don’t have the space to stay alone and must join “hands” with the city surrounding our comfort.
track 3:
mikah 米卡’s soulful ballad forever you just felt right for this playlist. I was unable to find a full English translation for this song, but his voice and the gentle instrumental clearly portray the emotion that he is trying to convey. A handful of English lines as “baby it’s you, wrote this love song for you” and “you are my life” bring additional clarity to the emotion poured throughout this track.
This song is for those of you who have been in a long-distance relationship while living in the city. The loneliness and yearning for a partner to join you on the journey and life that you are building for yourself. The day dreaming of a lover that is tangibly out of reach, but who walks through the streets of your mind and memories, bringing comfort.
track 4:
LA based artist Quin describes her sound as “fantasy soul” and this song aptly paints that picture. Many of the songs so far have communicated the chaos of the city, but this song paints the picture of tranquility that can be uniquely found within a city. This seems like a paradox, but in the same way that the eye of the storm is the quietest, there is a peace to be found within the chaos.
The song tells a story of a lover who is questioning if their partner is thinking about them in the same way they do. Do they love me the way I love them? I can’t stop thinking about this person, but are those same emotions truly reciprocated?
Dating within a city can be a lonely experience. This song is for all of the lonely city-dwellers that are searching for love.
track 5:
dana kim is a Korean R&B singer-songwriter and her song Stay with me (feat. meenoi) off her album Situationship has been a track that I have had on repeat all year. The instrumental is laid back, allowing both female vocals to pierce through, guiding you softly on a journey of emotion.
The first lines of the song translate to “The heart is truly something / It's difficult, I'm not good at it”. The song is about a relationship that is falling apart and a yearning for your partner to stay at your side. This song is for all of us wandering through city streets, overwhelmed with external stimuli but even more overwhelmed with the internal heart-ache of a relationship falling apart and hoping beyond hope that you can find a way to pick up the pieces.
track 6:
Matt Champion is mostly known as a part of the group Brockhampton, but came out with his debut solo album Mika’s Laundry in February of 2024. This track features Jennie Kim and their voices beautifully blend together in this seemingly paradoxical song.
The first words Jennie softly sings are “driving, upside down / you’re my escape from reality.” The song is titled “Slow Motion”, but after a gentle piano intro, a driving electronic track pushes the song forward in anything but slow motion. This song feels like a contradiction, which fits perfectly as being lonely while surrounded by millions of people also doesn’t seem to make sense.
This song builds and builds, with Jennie and Champion’s voices blending together in harmony and telling the story of love and contradiction, which is the only way to express the complexity of the human experience and the city experience.
track 7:
Rain is lonely. There is something about sitting in a city apartment in the quiet, looking out your window at the rain pelting the streets of your city. The mind wanders. The eyes follow individual water droplets dripping down your window. Winding and turning and falling. While the collective rain is countless and overwhelming, each individual water droplet falls alone.
Since the morning, you and I / Waited for the rain to fall / In this weather with you / How can I be this happy
This song by Korean Indie R&B artist Rad Museum perfectly displays these emotions. The lonely beauty of rain. Once embraced, join hands with your lover and dance with reckless abandon. Certain small moments can transcend the chaos when accepted.
track 8:
HYBS is a duo from Thailand that makes remarkably vibey pop R&B and this song is no exception. This playlist has floated through a variety of perspectives on the emotion of loneliness in a crowd. This song is for those of us that have fully embraced that moment of being alone in your own world, walking through a crowd with music dancing in your ears and not a care in the world.
I'll be putting on a suit / Be tip toeing to you / If you're down for it / We got nothing else to do / And nothing else to lose / And I'm down for this
We got nothing else to lose, so let’s dance through the crowd fully embracing the act of living and experiencing that life with ourselves.
track 9:
“From as far back as I can remember, I just always had this feeling and shit that like, I could do whatever I put my mind to / you know, I could turn my dreams into reality, what I put into the universe comes back to me / I was destined to be one of the great ones, I was destined to have all this great shit happen to me”
These words are spoken has a fuzzy voice-over in the middle of this track, and serve the purpose of clearly highlighting the pathos of this song: the desperation and determination to make something out of yourself.
“There is the New York of the person who was born somewhere else and came to New York in quest of something; ..the settlers give [New York] its passion.” These words penned by E.B White speak on the lonely experience of trying to “make it” in a big city. Joey Badass flows effortlessly across a soft track, declaring the story of his life and his resolution to make his mark on the music industry. This song is for you as you walk home late at night, stressed about your job and trying to make it work financially. But finding the strength to push forward and refusing to fail. Bringing passion to the city chaos.
track 10:
This beautiful song is by French artist Pomme off her 2019 album les failles. The song begins with a soft guitar strumming, her emotional voice dancing over the melody. She slowly brings in additional instruments as her haunting voice rises and crashes.
“Remember the next time, when the snow and the crashes come / We are not all going to die / Between the embers we will march and the black night we will embrace”
The song dances and weaves a story of chasing the summer that will “burn away all our sorrows”. It builds and builds into an epic, defiant crescendo. This song is a song of triumph, ending this journey of loneliness. It is not an escape, instead it is a welcoming and celebration of loneliness in all of its beautiful mess.