chapt 1: am I the only one that feels lost?
the human experience is a complicated one. regardless of planning and preparation, we end up walking down roads that we never meant to set foot on. society tries to put each person in a certain box, but inevitably the complexity of human nature demands to break free from those walls.
feeling lost is inevitable, but it doesn’t make it any less scary.
lost
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lost |
track 1:
Rudi Montaire is an Austrian classically trained trombone player. This song is fully instrumental with no lyrics or vocals. The instrumental drifts gently back and forth, guiding you on a journey that feels full of color and yet mournful at the same time.
There is a soft repetition, like waves crashing gently against the sands. The song seems to go in circles, which is very reminiscent to the feelings of being lost. No direction, no end. But beautiful none the less.
Montaire has a bio on spotify, but it has no information about him. Instead, it is simply a quote from Novo Amor. “ …sounds and ideas become scatterings of shapes and patterns that need to be grasped, pulled closer and nurtured. The process can feel like a mess. But I think it is good to allow these things to clutter, to become the mess that you then have to work to refine.”
track 2:
Beach House released their album “Depression Cherry” back in 2015 and Space Song is a gentle dreamy track. This song feels like wandering under moonlight, lost in thought and place. The phrase “fall back into place” is repeated over and over.
The vocal croons “What makes this fragile world go ‘round? / Were you ever lost? / Was she ever found?”
This isn’t a song where you have to focus on the lyrics to find enlightenment or even encouragement. Instead, it’s a song to close your eyes and fall into each distinct color of sound and space.
track 3:
South Korean indie singer-songwriter Heo Hoy Kyung released this song off the album “Memoirs” in 2022.
This song tells a story of falling in love quickly and then finding yourself lost and heartbroken, clinging onto the fading remnants of that love.
“Gathering the fading love between us together / Let me find a heart that dares to live in this moment”
The music and Heo Hoy Kyungs voice transcend any language barrier, as regardless of lyric translations, the pain and longing bleed throughout. One can feel lost in many different ways, and feeling lost in relationship can be one of the most difficult. When a partner becomes a stranger.
track 4:
This song needs little introduction. Michael Kiwanukas voice aches and yearns. Feeling lost is cold and it makes your heart feel small.
“Maybe this time I can go far / Thinking about where I’ve been / Ain’t helping me start”
The song speaks on pain, pride, self-loathing. A litany of frustration and desperation. Self reflection can turn into guilt and guilt is a dangerous road to lose your way.
track 5:
Chinese artist THE 8 released Hai Cheng in 2022. In describing the meaning of the song, he spoke about living far away from his hometown Hai Cheng and missing where he grew up. The word Hai Cheng can also be translated “an island that exists above the ocean” which evokes a feeling of something that is beautiful but just out of grasp.
“Lying down quietly in the star-studded sky
Irregular waves
Involuntarily along the wind
It's like a dream, or is it a dream?
This deep slumber made it so familiar
Been drifting for too long
The end nowhere in sight”
The piano is gentle and soft, his voice caressing the notes. THE 8 is a dancer, and the music video watches him use contemporary dance to gracefully communicate the story of longing direction that the song and lyrics speak on.
track 6:
It is hard for me to put into words why this song from Brussels born singer Iliona connects me so closely to the feeling of being lost. Known for her beautiful lyrics, the French words translate into a gentle story of a love lost. A romance that was ended out of fear, with hopeful thoughts of reconnection and words unspoken.
Her voice soars throughout the song, soft and full of passion and longing. This song feels like walking under street lamps at 4am with a forgotten cigarette lit hung loosely from your fingers as your mind wanders to places unknown. While the singers haunting voice drives the song, the piano melody delivers a foundation throughout the ups and downs of this beautiful track.
“Yet
It's not as pretty as a beginning, as a bouquet of roses, as a poem read
It's not as pretty as a word of love you give without expecting anything in return”
track 7:
I fell in love with this song many years again and I have come back to these words of comfort many times when I am struggling. This song feels like a warm hug. Regardless of what you are going through, hearing Syd softly sing over and over “I just hope you know that, that it gets better with time” are the words I need to hear. The production sits in the background, allowing the song to be lead by the harmonies and lyrics. But the soul, R&B track gives a perfect support for the songs message.
The song starts with the beautiful words “There's something wrong
'Cause you seem mighty low
Tell me what's going on
Probably been there before”
These words make me feel seen, like someone is willing to listen and knowing that I am not the only one that has been through this experience.
The Internet was formed in 2011 and members Syd and Matt Martin (Odd Future) and Steve Lacey all have well established solo careers. Bringing such creative brilliance together into one room is why The Internet has such a remarkable discography.
track 8:
This gorgeous record is by Vietnamese artist Wren Evans. I tried to find a translation of the Vietnamese lyrics into English but was unable to, and therefor I have no idea what the story this song tells.
However, as I have said before, music transcends language barriers. This song is a very different take on the word lost. So far, the tracks of this playlist have helped us feel and express the melancholy aspects of being lost. This song is as if you got lost in a field of flowers, under soft clouds and laying in the shade of a tree. You are lost, but you have nowhere to be and therefor do not care.
The track is driven by a piano and a soft guitar plucking, as a drum track adds structure and drive to a melody that is otherwise wandering and free. Wrens voice dances lightly over the track. A soft whistle track is embedded into the track, taking over for Evans vocal as the song drifts to a close.
This song marks a transition in the playlist. A shift in perspective, away from the melancholy of lost and instead embracing a lack of direction. Not having a destination can be as comforting as it is scary.
This perspective is not better or worse than the perspective expressed in earlier tracks. There is no right way to feel lost. We can acknowledge both the pain and the beauty of being lost.
track 9:
Human relationships and connection can make us feel seen and understood. They can also make us feel isolated and alone. Lost.
Olivia Dean has a strong message:
“Hold me close
Love myself the most
Lately, I've been just what I need
Stole my heart and I'm gonna be my own boyfriend”
Sometimes life puts us on a path we don’t want to be on, looking around and wondering “where am I?” “where am I going?” “and I the only person on this path?”
The Queen has spoken. In those moments of solitude, steal your own heart. The instrumentals, production and vocal layering build into a defiant crescendo. You can picture Olivia singing this song at herself in the mirror because these are the words we all need to hear, and sometimes we can’t say them to ourself. Which is why I am grateful for Olivia saying it for us all, allowing us to sing along.
“Girl, you look so goddamn good tonight
And I say that with my chest
You and me could be the best
I can do whatever whenever the fuck I want”
track 10:
South Korean artist RM released this song in May of 2024 as part of his second solo album Right Place, Wrong Person. The album is a musical and lyrical masterpiece, dealing heavily with the concepts of identity, expression and finding your way.
This track aptly represents feeling lost in many aspects. The melodies, production and overall direction of the song are unpredictable. Additionally, Moses Sumney and RM’s voices are wildly contrasting. As with life, listening to this song is a journey of ups and downs. Starting with gentle comfort and ending in brash rebellion, demanding the be heard.
“After losing my way, the scenery is more beautiful
My appearance like a lost item hoping to be found
We who are lost don't look so pitiful
Now with a smile, raising the middle finger
Yeah, all the past, the present
I'ma pass, then give it to you
I like myself broken, bitch, that's that shit”
This is the anthem the lost. Once you fully embrace the complexity of the human experience, being lost is the only place that makes sense. We are all lost. We are all broken. Let’s smile and raise our middle fingers. We like ourselves broken, bitch. Cause that’s that shit.